He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
