i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
