the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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