at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
