I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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