I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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