Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
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Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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