Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
