everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
