Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
