i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
