hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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