I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
