I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
