That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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