you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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