College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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