i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
