I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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