I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
