Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
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Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
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I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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