My balls are so social today.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
