just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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