it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
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I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
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By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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