half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
