I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
