i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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