When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
