So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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