i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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