Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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