Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
