I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
