i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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