Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
