We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize