woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
