The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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