i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
