I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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