was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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