Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
