I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
