margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
