Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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