Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Sober January is a disaster.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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