I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
