how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Randomize
