he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
