i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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