but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
