So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
