she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
