We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
