I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
thus making me awesome and them whores
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
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Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
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If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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