Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
