I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
