I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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