I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?