I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.