Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD