I'm pants shitting drunk right now
love makes seman taste better
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn