the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.