Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
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I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
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We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot