she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
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