Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
