Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
